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The Ultimate Man Cave

How the Ultimate Man Cave was started.

Back in 2014, in Auckland, I moved into what was advertised as an apartment—though calling it a warehouse with a bedroom would be more accurate. With all that space, I wanted to set up the ultimate hangout spot for me and my mates. I envisioned a pool table with an air hockey table next to it, the sounds of Street Fighter playing in the background as one friend boom-kicked another friend into oblivion. There would be poker nights that turned into poker days. I would live without a care in the world… until I tried to buy all these items and my dreams were crushed, like a snail on a frosty morning.

Finding a place online that sold everything I wanted was impossible. I ended up buying a used arcade machine that was sketchy, to say the least; the slightest bump would reset it. The pool table I bought was brand new, but I  almost disowned my friends due to their constant complaints about the cushions being made of sponge cake. Buying a slate table was well outside my budget, and there was nowhere at all to buy an air hockey table. I even started to believe they didn’t exist and that I had imagined they were actually a thing.

I thought to myself, why is this so difficult? We are Kiwis, and if there’s one thing we’re good at, it’s sitting around drinking beer and playing relatively pointless yet somewhat entertaining games that are built in the shape of a table. I can’t be the only one going through this.

There had to be a better way.

At that moment, I knew my mission in life was to solve this problem. I would bring hope to the man cave community and restore faith in humanity. And so, the quest to build the Ultimate Man Cave was born.

It was difficult at the start, and many times I thought about giving up.
Shipments arrived wrong or with issues. In the first shipment of pool tables that arrived, one side of the table had the cushion upside down. Running the risk of self-concussion at every shot, I could do nothing but give the tables away as workbenches. The second shipment, many were damaged in the container on the way to New Zealand. I had bought sandwiches at the corner dairy with more robust packaging.

Filled with anger and furious rage, my shaking hands booked a ticket directly to China. Somehow, I made it to the factory in a secluded industrial town, the name which sounds like the noise a rubber ball makes when it hits the ground. Here I sat down with the owner, shoes off. He offered me tea. I accepted. It tasted like washed sock water. This explained the shoes-off policy. But I remained calm and collected. I had a mission to complete.

The meeting went well, and I requested that they build my own pool table design, to my specifications. With higher-quality cushions and felt, and to make it more solid with the cushions up the right way up. I didn’t think this was too much to ask. This is the Viper 8. It’s designed to be the best possible alternative to a 500kg and $6,000 slate table.

I take massive pride in The Ultimate Man Cave, and I want to make sure that any product you purchase for your own man cave is a quality product at an affordable price that I personally would be proud to have in my own Man Cave.

So, if you are looking to deck out your man cave, shed, or your very boring work office, know that the pain I have been through can be the very thing that makes your superficial friends want to hang out with you. (Cue inspirational music)

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